The Lazy Fan’s Guide to Week 10 of the SEC

Let’s be real, we could be on the brink of something special, and let’s all buy all the way in. Get on the Mizzou train because things are happening people! Mizzou is sitting on 4 and 5, have a win in the SEC, Georgia’s the number 1 ranked team in the country, Bama’s right behind them and it’s basketball season baby!

This weekend we do have some games that are less than awesome but we’ve got two great ones from the national perspective, and then a big Mizzou game with an opportunity to break a football coach’s career in two. Sounds fun no? And on top of all that, we’re (mostly kristina) is killing it in the picks. How you aren’t doing what we say to do at this point is baffling to me. I AM BAFFLED!

Let’s see how we did…

So yeah, not too shabby right? Outside of an interesting pick of the Hilltoppers (Okay so, we got a little too cute there.....) kristina almost had herself a perfect week, much like we did two weeks ago. But this week, well this week is going to be a tough one. Closely matched teams, roadies galore! It’s a good weekend…

To the games!

Good morning from Baton Rouge LOUISIANA. I didn’t know they did morning games there. Well hog tastes good at all times of year and all times of day. Could be a game where Coach B gets left in Louisiana and has to find his way back to AR-Kansas. So much intrigue! How do the Tigers bounce back from last week? HOW?

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 3! This is the best of the morning games and they’re not all that good so let’s not get ahead of ourselves. If you need to do something else, you’re probably ok.

Paired Drink: A little 69 special shall we? Gin, 7-Up and some grenadine, sounds fruity and mildly refreshing. Throw a maraschino cherry in there for some fun!

kristina: LSU vs. “almost lost to coastal Carolina,” yeah, we’ll go LSU. And I would have gladly taken another loss had that actually happened. And seriously, what doesn’t pair well with bacon?

Chris: LSU gets it done and the Hogs just continue to spiral. Think they’ll be ready the day after Thanksgiving or will they fold like a fitted sheet? Awkwardly and furiously.

And not just any solo cup, it must be the red ones! Oh, to make money off a song about a damn plastic cup. We’re clearly not doing something correctly here. Anyway, the schools are having a nice little basketball/football weekend, with the squeaky hoops teams playing on Friday evening, which pretty much means NO ONE from RMN will be watching that, ‘cause, well, you know. Ole Miss is favored here by around 18 points per Vegas, but their fans are less convinced this won’t be close.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 4. It shouldn’t be super close, and even if it is, not really sure what happens to Ole Miss matters much. Watching Arky lose sounds far more entertaining.

Paired Drink: Eh, what the hell, it’s finally getting somewhat cold, it’s Ole Miss, hot toddy. I mean, honey and bourbon can’t be the worst combination someone’s come up with.

kristina: The “I’ll make my pick but an upset would be kind of funny” game. But yeah, Ole Miss. Though the football/b-ball pairing for the weekend is kind of neat.

Chris: I mean Ole Miss though this going the other way would not surprise me, would it surprise you? I sincerely doubt it. But yeah, Ole Miss in a paycheck game that will be an excuse to just get day drunk. (Editor’s note: Uh, we need excuses for that?)

At the start of September these teams looked competent and now, well I don’t know what to say. Florida got Mizzou’ed and South Carolina just seems uninterestingly average. That’s a fun way to describe this game, uninterestingly average. It’s Morning Time in South Carolina, get on the cockaboose and go, go, go.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 3. It’s better than the other morning kicks, so it’s the highest rated. So watch it and imagine what Mizzou could have done had they not needed an entire month to get their sh*t together.

Paired Drink: Orange is the official beverage of Florida, SHOCKER! So we’ll prescribe an Orange Crush, a Baltimore staple. Get some orange flavored vodka, some lemon, some lime, triple sec and throw that into a blender with a ton of ice until you’ve got a frozen concoction of deliciousness.

kristina: Thanks for last Saturday, gators, that was fun! So yeah, no confidence going that route so I’ll take South Carolina. That just sounds like a boozy orange freeze.

Chris: I think Florida is fully and truly broken. Randy Shannon has no idea, and Malik Zaire, well he doesn’t seem to have it. So South Carolina it is, in this game that will feature some classic Muschamp face.

This actually should be a really good game, and more than not (at least from a quick view) are predicting/ wouldn’t be shocked to see Auburn win this one. So unless you’re one of the ones roaming around the woods to take out Bambi’s parents, enjoy! If the bulldogs can avoid the upset, it would be the first time since 1982 sporting a 10-0 record.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 2. (As Defcon 1 outside of Mizzou games is a very rarely seen animal.) Plus, we’re “mostly” a basketball school. (Uh, hopefully we win tomorrow or we may have to reword that.)

Paired Drink: An easier-nothing crazy beer so you can have a few (if not more), watch two really good SEC teams, and still be ready to go for our own game.

kristina: I didn’t realize it was a home game for Auburn, uh ‘cause lazy?, but not sure that would have altered my train of thought. I’ll take Georgia. The SEC is just weird this season.

Chris: Maybe the best game of the day that doesn’t include Mizzou. I’m not sure what to make of this game, Auburn isn’t bad, Georgia is the number 1 team in the country, so this has all sorts of fun written all over it. I’m taking Georgia, but I’m not confident. Sit your ass down and watch this game friends.

It’s almost like the SEC East is putting on a display of its sad matchups. Kentucky and Vandy, SC and Florida, Mizzou and Tennessee, someone has to win each game I suppose. But hey at least no one’s watching this game outside of Nashville.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 5. If you’re watching this, you’re doing things wrong with your football habit. I apologize to your eyes…so sorry.

Paired Drink: Beaujelois Nouveau. It’s not good, it’s brand new wine that people get way too excited about, better to bathe with than drink.

kristina: This is definitely the dart board pick for the week, no clue. I had to recheck what I sent Chris, so it appears I went Kentucky. Uh, they have a better basketball court?

Chris: Kentucky? I guess? Someone has to win? Right? Yeah, the basketball school beats the other basketball school. But I mean, sure.

So Alabama is a little injury-ridden on the linebacker front, but even that isn’t giving most State fans a hope for the upset. If the latter plays, it’ll be Fitzgerald vs. Fitzpatrick, which, well, doesn’t scream SEC names, but we digress. They could still enjoy a nice sweet tea every once in a while. Again, weird week in the SEC. Mostly “meh” teams pairing up while this is the second “both ranked” contest.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 2. Another good one, but y’all should take it easy ‘cause it’s still early and Mizzou has yet to play. Not to mention who’s still hungover from either drinking way too much ‘cause our basketball team is either awesome or screwed up way worse than we ever thought.

Paired Drink: Bourbon. Why not? A nice little sipping drink for the half hour before you’re switching the channel. Although if we start really screwing up, you can always come back to this one.

kristina: That’s dad-joke level on the location mention, there. I’m sticking with ‘Bama until they lose.

Chris: Wouldn’t it be something if both Bama and Georgia went down on the same day setting the SEC up to being the best damn basketball version of itself? Again, like UGA at Auburn, I want to pick State, but Bama is still Bama and it’s going to take all the clanging in the world and a miracle for State to pull this off. No miracle, Bama rolls in a close one.

Well isn’t this something. Thank you SEC for scheduling this game counter to the Mizzou game. It ensures everyone is not going to be watching this game, it’s just a giant punt.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 5. Mizzou and the Vols are in 30 minutes and you’ve got Bama and State on at the same time. You’re not watching this and this is probably the first you’re hearing that this game even exists.

Paired Drink: A mind erase shot. This game is that forgettable and you want to be done with it in the shortest amount of time possible.

kristina: Guess it’d be fun to take the upset here, but after looking at New Mexico’s record, lol, nope. Aggies. Have we disagreed at all yet? How boring.

Chris: Aggies all night long. Keep it close and then the hot seat keeps getting hotter under coach S. Good luck Aggies in this game I will not look at, review, or even see who won until I start on next week’s LFG.

Well, last week was fun taking out the gators, and maybe, just maybe, we can finally start a game without the first series just going haywire. Then again, if that results in a win, just never mind those first few infuriating minutes. At least we have an SEC victory, unlike, ahem, our #voluntear friends. (If that jinxes us, um, sorry, kids.) A basketball and a football win this weekend, all the excitement!

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 1. We’re trying to get to a bowl game, folks! You have to watch this one. Literally, what else do you have to do?

Paired Drink: Eh, we’ll finally bust out the wine, and if it’s not your thing, just keep it colder/chilled, it’ll go down just as easy. Hopefully drinking it toward a Vols’ loss, or forgetting the stress of having to win out if not.

kristina: I’ll take the kool-aid and our Tigers, let’s do this. It’s about time another school (uh, read that as not us) gets an interim coach! SEC coaching carousel returns! So sad for the younger generations, merry-go-rounds were so much fun, and so easily a trip to the ER.

Chris: I haven’t picked our Tigers to do something fun and exciting in some time. This game feels like a good chance for something exciting and depressing for the Vols to experience. Get it done Mizzou, get it done! Tigers win in a closer than expected game and if you see Butch Jones hitching on the side of the road, well give him a wave.

---

So you’re not feeling the reading and just want to get to the reading? I get you, and here you go:

---

And that will do it for this week. It’s an exciting time and we’re all lucky to be here experiencing this together. Things could be happening in Mizzou land friends, let’s roll in the joy together, roll in it, bathe in, drink it up.