The Lazy Fan’s Guide to Week 11 of the SEC

Well it’s fully basketball season, but it’s still Football season for some SEC schools, including your crazy Tigers. And it’s also, firing season! Who will next get the axe after getting destroyed by a decent to great team? I have no idea and that’s what makes November in the SEC magical. No one is more ready to make a big move to hire a TV analyst to appease their rabid fanbase who may or may not be completely unhinged.

But that’s not for the now, for the now we focus on how genius our picks were, even with a side of SEC East showing up just like the SEC East can and does.

Let’s see how we did…

Another good week for us. Another good week for your wallets and your addictions. I hope you’ve been moving with us because at this point we’re just doing this for charity, being wildly rich and all…yeah…that’s what’s happening. I’m sad to say however that this coming weekend’s games leave a lot to be desired. SO MUCH TO BE DESIRED. There’s not a great one in here. Apologies, but read on and we’ll find a way to make this all tolerable.

To the games!

Bama is back as the number 1 team in the country and should be when they roll into the Iron Bowl in a week’s time. Before then, they’ve got to dispatch Mercer, who are known for their beating of Duke in the NCAA tournament back in 2014. Watch the highlights now, we’ll wait.

Also, they are known for getting beaten in money games against SEC teams.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 4! The morning games are bad, this is not the worst, but not the best. Watch it if you know, you want to.

Paired Drink: Hot buttered rum. Throw a big hunk of real butter on top and you’re in heaven. I swear, you’ll thank me later.

kristina: We love teams that beat duke! Looking at you, Lehigh. This will end up like that South Park episode where just beating the spread is Mercer’s goal. ‘Bama.

Chris: Bama is going to win and anything more than that here is pointless. Actually, let’s enjoy the Mercer kid dancing post Duke victory. Man I don’t like Duke.

The locations have just gone loco at this point. So last week, Auburn made Georgia look silly, and we both lost that pick. Behind the scenes note - both of us were tempted to take Auburn, so there you go kids, trust your gut. Unless it’s saying to drink straight everclear. Unless things just get weird, Auburn shouldn’t have any problems with this one.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 4. Shouldn’t be close. Something better has to be on, it just has to be. Maybe go rake some leaves?

Paired Drink: Bailey’s and coffee. At least it may keep you from dozing off if you’re watching.

kristina: Poor ULM to go on the road versus the team that just beat the former #1. I’ll just hope they don’t have anyone who gets injured.

Chris: I’m convinced that Auburn and Bama just schedule these games pre iron bowl so no one gets too hurt or banged up. So Auburn will win and rest up. Big game next week.

Have you ever seen a coach get fired at half time? We just might in this one! I mean there was that time Bud Kilmer was forced out by his players, but that was a film! This could happen. It’s at home, you can fire Bert and then have him clean out his office without a plane ticket purchase. This just makes good sense.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 3. It’s the best of the Nooners. Watch to see if Mullen gets interviewed during the game by whoever is running Arkansas’ Athletic Department.

Paired Drink: Cat’s Away IPA. It’s the Walmart Craft Beer that they’re being sued over. So drink it up and call Jackie Childs, your taste is his case.

kristina: I’ll take more cowbell over “barely beat Coastal Carolina.” Sucks for Arky, you’re losing next week as well, just like last year!

Chris: State is going to ROMP! And then maybe Bobby Petrino rolls in on his motorcycle and just takes the Arky job by the throat and we see him next Friday, post Thanksgiving with a co-ed on one arm and a sixer of whatever they’re selling at the local Super Center.

So Georgia’s coming off a brutal loss at the hands of Auburn, but yet, Kentucky’s all basketball by now. Uh, thanks for trying, but you were supposed to beat kansas, btw. I mean, I guess if you own the East outright you’re allowed to screw up for a weekend? Doesn’t bode well for the SEC championship game though, good luck with that one guys!

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 3. Georgia “shouldn’t” have a problem, but given last week’s loss, maybe they haven’t recovered yet. Not much else going on right now, maybe have it on in the background while you’re doing something useful (like preparing tasty nachos for our game later on.) Damnit, now I want nachos.

Paired Drink: Bourbon! Maybe Kentucky can’t put out really good football, but it knows its basketball and booze. Four roses, small batch.

kristina: So apparently Kentucky gets a chance to have a winning conference record if they’d win, which hasn’t happened since 1977. Woof.

Chris: Man Georgia really screwed it up last weekend, getting DESTROYED by Auburn. It was bad for the SEC East, it was bad for Georgia, and it’s bad for us. Because that gives us a week of Auburn should be in the East, Mizzou in the West. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. We like the east, and we’re staying! Kentucky gets destroyed, Georgia gets back to winning and has to figure out how to not get dusted by Bama or Auburn in a couple weeks.

Wofford almost beat Arkansas in the NCAA tournament in the year 2015. THEN Mizzou beat Wofford in 2016 and we all thought MAYBE Kim Anderson had turned the corner and this team was for real. THEN the season happened and all the face palms. Stupid Wofford getting our hopes up!

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 5. This is atrocious! PASS, HARD PASS! (Editor’s note - hey, something our basketball team is good at again!)

Paired Drink: Jack and Ginger. I don’t like it, like I don’t like this game. But the kids enjoy it. Someone once gave me one and I took it down, but it’s still awful.

kristina: That drink sounds awful. Who the hell would come up with that? South Carolina, though an upset (somehow?) here would be hilarious.

Chris: South Carolina, because it’s Wofford, not another W school of any quality.

So Florida’s coming off five straight losses while the blazers are bowl eligible and putting up lots of points. Hopefully Florida doesn’t sustain any more injuries, as now the backup to their only healthy QB is a wide receiver. Poor Florida.........just isn’t your year.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 2. This could actually be a close one, as, including one of us, quite a handful are predicting the upset. And who doesn’t want to see an opposing team’s fan-base roll with the gator chomp as they win? Oh the memories.........

Paired Drink: Light beer. In half an hour, you’re going to need to be not passed out on the floor. Go easy here, kids.

kristina: My least confident pick of the week, but I’ll take Florida. Shows you how much I’ve been watching this season, right? Probably would have gone UAB if it wasn’t a home game for the gators.

Chris: UAB is going bowling in their first year back to football. SUCK IT BEAR BRYANT’S KID!!! I don’t know who their head coach is but he’s going to get a really good job soon. I could look it up, but I won’t. LAZY. Now this could be a fun game to watch, UAB doing work over Florida in the swamp where Steve Spurrier seriously doesn’t care who they hire!? Sign me up! I’m taking UAB for the hell of it, go Blazers!!!

The Tennessee train wreck continues! As expected, Mizzou put the hurt something fierce on the Vols and Champion of Life and Trashcan man himself But Jones got the axe. Bye Butchy! Now, the pain continues with a good LSU team coming to town to continue to crush those hopes and dreams of all Vol fans.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 4. It’s a nice little pre Mizzou appetizer I suppose. You’re already watching football, watch this one too for 30 mins.

Paired Drink: A cucumber cooler! It’s St. Germain, Vodka, Lime Juice and a whole mess of Cucumber. Doesn’t that sound refreshing, and re-hydrating?! It sure does.

kristina: All the #voluntears! I hate continuing the meme, but sigh, I forgot to DVR last week’s game. Stupid no cell service. LSU.

Chris: LSU continues to sad times in Tennessee with a big win. I have a colleague who’s a Tennessee grad, lives in the area, tailgates all the time and she sent me a text to thank me for what Mizzou did last Saturday. Our pleasure Eva Q, our pleasure!

So, as the injury bug continues, Patterson’s been out now for a couple weeks, so we get Ta'amu vs. TAMU for this one! (And no, we can’t take credit for that, though perhaps Hermus might?) Just like our tigers, Ole Miss is sitting on five wins and looking to go bowling. And both coaches are trying to keep / have a permanent job. Coaching carousel continues!

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 2. At publish time, it’s only a three point spread, so should be a good one, well at least for the only thirty minutes you’ll be watching this one.

Paired Drink: Whatever wine or beer you’re “cooking” with while waiting for our game to start. And now we want barbecue.........

kristina: At least for our reader/s, we have some disagreements this week. Last week had none, how boring! I took Ole Miss, but probably my second least confident pick of the week. Seems both the aggies and Ole Miss tend to screw up when I pick them.

Chris: Ole Miss needs this game to secure bowl eligibility. I don’t think they get it done. Let’s go all in on our conference destroying brothers and sisters, the Aggies. Maybe Kevin Sumlin sticks around? No idea, but I’m not watching this game anyway.

Is this it? Does Mizzou get it done? Are we on the precipice of bowling? Will this all get screwed up as it did in 2012?! I hope to hell not. This is it Tigers, put up or shut up time. You can win at home against reeling teams, can you do it in Nashville? It should be known, in games Mizzou can secure bowl eligibility at night on the Bohkay birthday, Mizzou has not fared well…and that’s now.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 1! Are we even talking about this?! Seriously!

Paired Drink: ALL THE BOOZE! You’re going to need it if this thing goes sideways quick. But a single drink, have a Manhattan, it’s that time of year you know.

kristina: So not happy I missed out on last week’s. It’s a tad tricky figuring out the backup radio station when you have no cell service. Pfft. I say Mizzou, let’s go bowling!

Chris: I am not sold, but I’m there for you Tigers. Mizzou, gets it done, bowl eligibility and Sheldon Richardson atones for his past mistakes in single handedly keeping Mizzou out of the bowl season in 2012. Please Mizzou, PLEASE!

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And that’s a wrap on the picks. Let’s see who we’ve got where.

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Another week gone, as we slowly get to Championship and Bowl weekends. Let’s finish strong people and Mizzou, it’s go time! Get it done!