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St. Louis Lambert International Airport Bathrooms, Ranked

Denny Medley-USA TODAY Sports

This list was comprised after years of travel in and out of St. Louis International Airport. I believe it is an effective list and the factors I used for my rankings were How Crowded It Usually Is, Cleanliness, the kind of people who use it (business folk, families), and Location. I am a male, however I received help from both my wife and my female coworkers who travel with so that I can speak for both men’s and women’s restrooms.

1. *TIE* Terminal 1, The one just past Starbucks and Hudson, near baggage claim D.Best for just getting off the plane and need that last-minute bathroom break before facing STL. It is always clean, rarely has anyone else in there, and has separate urinal room and stall room. The separation of the urinals and stalls really adds to the privacy factor, so you can playing on your phone in a stall without someone being like ‘is he ok?’.

1. *TIE* Terminal 1, by C16. This is really a hidden gem, one would think that being next to Starbucks and Chilis it would be pretty crowded and dirty. However, it is right next to the janitorial closet, so it is usually clean and its lack of proximity to the busy gates (more on that later) means that there are not a lot of people stopping by there.

2. Terminal 2 by D10. I recognize that this is a risky pick; it is about a 10-minute walk from security (at a brisk pace too). However, once you get there the rewards are tremendous! It is at the very end of Terminal 2 away from the madness that is Gates E2-E18, there is rarely anyone in there and if you are a parent there is a family restroom right next to it as well as multiple changing stations in both men’s and women’s.

3. Terminal 2 by D33. These are not usually very clean; you can typically find water on the sink counter and some trash laying about (napkins, granola bar wrappers around the trash can) -mostly because it is on the edge of chaos. However, what it lacks in complete cleanliness it shines in size, these restrooms are massive with 10+ urinals and 10+ stalls respectively you can get in and out in a pinch.

4. Terminal 2 before Security, Next to the TSA Pre Line. Much like one’s first 8th grade relationship, this bathroom will give you lots of time to practice. It is small and patient, you can find answers to questions like, Should I put that there? How long should I commit to this? Why is that man just filling a plastic cup and dumping it back into the sink repeatedly? Yes, this bathroom is your very own airport bathroom training ground.

5. Terminal 1 Near C25. We now enter the more crowded bathrooms at Lambert, this one is only 2 gates away from Co-Champion C16, but that makes a huge difference. For some reason, the Starbucks and Jamba Juice patrons choose these bathrooms much more often than C16, the problem is that C25 is pretty small so there are often lines, they are often not as clean, and as you can imagine the combination of protein shakes and coffee leads to less than desirable smells wafting from the stalls while you wait. Expect the toilet seats to always be uncomfortably warm.

6. Terminal 2 Across from E20 and E18. The main stretch of Southwest’s Terminal from E24 to E2 is very crowded, even at 9:30 PM one can expect to see a lot of travelers waiting to go to Des Moines or Arkansas or Texas, you name it. The bathrooms across from E20 are right next to the food court so they see a lot of traffic, a lot of "just had pizza hut and a large coffee" traffic. That being said, you can tell the staff is doing everything they can to TRY and keep it clean, which is not totally effective but also better than what it could be.

7. Terminal 2 Across from E10 and E8. Similar story to #6 on this list except as any high school economics class will tell you, people mostly turn right in buildings when they first enter. So even if their flight is not in the surrounding gates it seems like the majority of people in Terminal 2 go to these bathrooms first. Remember, there is already a lot of energy on the staff’s part to keep #6 clean so these bathrooms they barely keep above water.

8. Terminal 1, A8. The A Gate section of Terminal 1 is the smallest (besides B Gates which is mostly private) branch of Lambert. Even though it is the smallest it houses both behemoths United AND Delta, so from the start the A Gates are always usually very crowded. The A gate bathrooms were also doomed on this list from the start because there are only 2. A8 is a little better because it is tucked away between "Beers of the World" and Dunkin’. ALSO, A8 is relieved of the heavy-duty work by another bathroom which leads me to….

9. Terminal 1, A2. This poor bathroom. Even though I consider this bathroom an ambassador of sorts. It says "Here is what our truck stop bathrooms are like in the rural parts of the great state of Missouri." This bathroom is basically a giant tourism showcase for Rolla. A2 gets hit hard by both incoming travelers and people just getting off their flights. Even if the staff did attempt to keep it clean (which is suspect) I do not think they could, it is just non-stop people in and out. Water on the sink counter tops, soaking paper towels on the ground, mystery stains on the floors, all of this and more on display at A2.

10. Terminal 1, Between C27 and C29. These bathrooms are next to Frontier’s gates, decentairline, low rates. Where are the flights going though? CANCUN AND ORLANDO. Your fellow bathroom guests will either be busy family with loud (sometimes happy, sometimes screaming) child trying to go one last time before Disney World OR Trenton, who was on the class 1-A high school state championship team in 2009, sells insurance, and has been pregaming since 5 AM (it’s 9:30 AM by the way). He will talk to you through the stalls. He will try and sell insurance while you wash your hands. If it is not spring breakers or party dudes trying to not get the spins before getting on their plane, it is stressed families trying to get somebody to poop or changing diapers. I truly feel for the retired couples that just want to get their fruity drinks on the beach, or the honeymooners who are doing it big in Cancun. They have a choice in bathrooms they just don’t know it.

So, there it is, my top 10 bathrooms in St. Louis Lambert International Airport. There were a few I left off, B-Gates mostly because like I said before it is mostly private or closed down so most readers will not be there. I also did not include 3 others because 1 is in a restaurant which you can’t use unless you eat at the restaurant, the other 2 are in strange places before the actual gates so they really are not even relevant or useful. If you have some that I missed or think I am ranking crazy let me know!

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