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The Lazy Fan’s Guide to Week 2 is Eager for SEC action

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SEC on SEC is back this week!

defcon

Well, that was an interesting first week, no?

All the way up until Monday night when Tennessee did everything in their power to cause their fans to have an apoplectic seizure …kind of what A&M did to their fans on Sunday night. Say this for the SEC there certainly are going to be a ton of points scored, unless you’re playing Bama.

I’m not one to say that the season is all just a big formality with everyone else in the conference playing for bowl eligibility and the opportunity to lose in the SEC Championship game …but I am.

Anyway, last week we did ok, if we’re grading on a curve. We got the games right that we should have and then the toss ups we both kind of missed like a Tucker McCann extra point. (Too soon?)

Let’s see how we did…

Picker Correct Picks Incorrect Picks Overall Records
kristina 8 Correct 5 Incorrect 8 correct, 5 incorrect
Chris 9 Correct 4 Incorrect 9 correct, 4 incorrect

So yeah, not great, BUT, this week is just another shot at picking redemption and another shot at a shot to help with picks destined to be correct, or incorrect because unlike the NFL ties just don’t happen in College, because in all games there must be a winner and a person who did not win, but who got a free education! Let’s all play school! Either way, lots of shots! Hide your liver, kids.

Moving on! Let’s check and see what week 2 has in store for us, still a tasty platter of cupcakes, sprinkled in with some tough nonconference matchups, AND the first SEC on SEC action of the season, featuring your boys, the Tigers of Ol’ Mizzou. Rip Em Up Tigers, or just tackle them with both hands and arms. (Any tackling would be preferred, you know, that whole play defense thing.)

To the games!

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 11:00 AM #22 Florida Northern Colorado JORT TOWN, FL SEC Network PLUS WatchESPN

Unfortunately due to Hurricane Irma this game was canceled. Good luck to everyone in it’s path.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 11:00 AM Kentucky Eastern Kentucky Ashley Judd's House, KY SEC Network WatchESPN

Kentucky fans, still on the “when does basketball start again?” train, get to watch their Wildcats take on a directional state team, which usually means a win. They’re 4-0 vs. Eastern Kentucky, though that includes an OT win two years ago. See what happens when you start getting lazy?

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 4. And it’s only moved up to a 4 since it’s actually on the SEC network and not the +. Nothing to see here, move along. (And if we’re wrong, well, lol Wildcats fans.)

Paired Drink: It’s the semi-battle for Kentucky. All the bourbon! Let’s go Four Roses. Small batch, though.

kristina: The standard Kentucky. My kids’ soccer game might be more entertaining. (There’s no sarcasm font for posting, such a shame.) But their jerseys are definitely a better color combination!

Chris: It’s a battle for who gets to be the most relevant football team in all of Kentucky which is a wild thing because let’s be realistic, no one is. And outside of the mess Rick Stansburry is creating in Western Kentucky fans on both sides will be focusing on Big Blue Hoops come November. In fact, I bet there are two guys at this game with Antoine Walker face tattoos…try and prove me wrong. Non directional Kentucky wins and I feel bad if you watch this game.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 11:00 AM Ole Miss UT Martin Oxford, MS, not England SEC Network WatchESPN

I doubted you Ole Miss and I apologize, but you didn’t look great against South Alabama last week, ADMIT IT! Another directional college in week 2 for the fighting Rebels, Black Bears, Ackbars….I sense no trap here, just some hurtin’ being put on Martin’.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 5! This is, in all honesty the least attractive of the 11:00 AM Central SEC games, so don’t watch it unless there’s an upset brewing, otherwise, IGNORE!

Paired Drink: What does one drink, when they’re not drinking? Ah, Hennigans, the no smell, no tell scotch. You know, it’ll be our little secret...

kristina: It’d be more entertaining if it were in England. Ole Miss. Seems a good week the kiddo soccer game is around eleven. Not missing much. (Soccer parents though, they are the crazy.)

Chris: Ole Miss is going to win and probably big, but who cares, you’re not watching this monstrosity. Let’s all just see who Ole Miss throws an absurd amount of money and then don’t get in the coaching search, should be fun no?

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 2:30 PM #1 Alabama Fresno State PAWWWWLLLLLL, AL ESPN2 WatchESPN

For the second week, Alabama takes on a FSU school, an unranked one at that, so enjoy your monies and your loss, Fresno State. Honestly...........have yet to find anyone sane throwing this up as a close one. Props to Saban if he can deliver his “never underestimate an opponent” line with a straight face this week.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 4. Easily something better to watch (see Arky/TCU) unless you just like watching a blowout.)

Paired Drink: Light beer. The day is young, the game is boring, save the good stuff for later.

kristina: Uh, hard to not go Alabama. Super cupcake. (Mmmmmmm, tasty.)

Chris: Are there any Carr’s left for Fresno State to trot out there? No? Too bad, that could have made things interesting. I’m not picking against Alabama this season in any foreseeable circumstance, so yeah, the Tide all the way to the College Football Playoff when hopefully they lose in spectacular fashion to a Pac 12 school.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 2:30 PM Arkansas #23 TCU Walmartlandia, AR CBS CBS Sports

I hope Arkansas enjoyed their Thursday win and spent all week prepping for the Horned Frogs, ‘cause this is going to be a tough test. Horned Frogs on one side, Razor Backs on the other…are there no other animals that have descriptors in their name? Find me one and let them all get together and fight it out for adjective supremacy.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 2. ‘Tis a good game to be sure. Placed mid afternoon which is nice, AND we all get to see what Arkansas truly has, while noting how sad Little Rock appears even in High Def!

Paired Drink: Long Island Ice Tea, let’s get thoroughly weird, because you need to get this game done and then nap pre Mizzou game. It’s ok little Tiger a nap will do you good.

kristina: My weekly “I don’t like it, but if we agree the whole damn time, what fun is this?” pick, so Arky it is. Pfft, “ice tea.” Let’s throw some Cola in there for looks!

Chris: T-C-U! I am so pulling for our Big 12 replacements. I am going to be pulling for them, watch their defense and then wonder what the hell DeMontie Cross did down there. TRULY. WHAT. DID. YOU. LEARN?

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 3:00 PM #25 Tennessee Indiana State Trashcan, TN SEC Network WatchESPN

Tennessee got lucky getting away with the win last week (I know, what a shame, it looked so promising, thanks a bunch GT!) and now gets Indiana State. At least Neyland Stadium prohibits selfie sticks, so that’s a plus. (Maybe all stadiums do, but again, like we’re going to do actual research here.)

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 5. It’s all set up to be a cupcake, and the meme must persist, it’s Tennessee. Go cut the grass or something.

Paired drink: Something like Natty light. You know you shouldn’t, but it’s there. It’s still no good, but it’s better than nothing. Well, most days.

kristina: In keeping with the tradition of the LFG, I won’t take the time, but not sure the last time I picked Tennessee. It saddens me. We need #voluntears!

Chris: Explain to me the trashcan. Seriously. I get the pimp cane, marching band leader baton thing A&M has but the trash can? No. No sir I don’t get it. First it was bricks, now it’s trash cans…explain yourself champions of life!!! Tennessee wins, and the trashcan only gets bigger and more meme’able in the coming weeks.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 3:00 PM Vanderbilt Alabama A&M Nashvegas, TN SECN WatchESPN

Vandy, they surprised me last week, nice win over your instate rival…if that’s what MTSU is. This week, they take on Bama, South Bama, but still a Bama and a win over a Bama is a win, even if it’s not of the tree killing deranged variety of fans.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 5. Nope, I don’t suggest you watch this. Well, if the options are watch this or fight a goat, then watch it…goats are tough.

Paired Drink: What’s a good drink before you don’t fight a goat…How about some old Billy Beer, brewed by Jimmy Carter’s brother himself. Sure it’ll taste horrid, but if you’re watching this game, this will pair nicely. Horrible on Horrible!

kristina: It’s just not a good slate for the morning/early afternoon games, is it? Vanderbilt, horrible basketball court and all.

Chris: Vandy, they win and no one really notices. It’s a grand thing to behold and quite the spectacle! No, I’m kidding, it’s a mess. Just take Vandy and we can all pretend this never happened.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 6:00 PM #3 Clemson #13 Auburn Death Valley, SC ESPN WatchESPN

It’d probably be the game we’re all watching if not for our Tigers, as, at post time, Clemson isn’t even a by a touchdown favorite. Vegas and their crazy odds. A shame he’s not in the conference, Dabo Swinney is one of the most SEC sounding names ever. If the majority of college football fans can go crazy analyzing uniform schemes, we at the LFG can critique names.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 2. Mostly because we all know most of us aren’t watching this due to a slight scheduling conflict.

Paired Drink: Hard to say, as no Mizzou fan will be watching this. Go with (I know, it’s a throw back) Zima or some other tasteless “we swear this contains alcohol” beverage. Between this game and Mizzou, you won’t care.

kristina: Ugh, Auburn. Why I must insist on disagreeing for the sake of entertainment, I’ll never know. (Yes, it’s a very loose definition of entertainment.)

Chris: Best game of the day, and it’s in the evening, but I won’t really be watching this because Mizzou. BUT, Clemson beats Auburn and then Bama fans laugh at the Auburn fans and life continues in the SEC pretty much as expected. Go Tigers, over Tigers. Eight Ball, we believe in you!

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 6:00 PM Texas A&M Nicholls State Sumlin's getting fired, TX ESPNU WatchESPN

Oh A&M, what did you do? Are you the new Arkansas? Is protecting a lead something you just aren’t plain interested in? Do you just hate running the ball? What is going on here? Luckily, you have the cane thing for touchdowns and a school that is named after Nicholls. Whoever that is, was or will be…

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 5. Only because of what’s at the same time, otherwise it would also be Defcon 5, but less fivey than this five, which is a STRONG FIVE. Don’t watch this. I know you won’t.

Paired Drink: Homemade hooch, some white lightning that will make you go blind. That’s the only way to enjoy A&M, blind drunk and potentially in a coma because you don’t know what you’re doing.

kristina: Blind drunk and in a coma? Sounds like the dart league night to me! (Seriously, though, cricket’s the real deal.) A&M.

Chris: Texas A&M for the win! I do hope though that the defense falls apart again in the second half and they all get a little scare!

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 6:00 PM Mizzou South Carolina THE REAL COLUMBIA, MO ESPN2 WatchESPN

The best time of the day! After an “offense rules, who needs defense” win last week, our Tigers take on the team from Columbia East. Not much to say on this one outside of we hope we win, and hope it’s a “less complicated” defense. And, uh, let’s not miss anymore extra point attempts? (That’s got to be a spot on your bingo card by now.)

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 1! As will be most any week, if not all, it’s Mizzou, so SEC Defcon 1. It’s the evening, nothing else to do but watch our tigers.

Paired Drink: We’ll see after this week, but given last, it may have to be split up for an offensive and defensive drink. For now, we’ll go with your favorite. Whatever is smooth and in abundance to watch good ole’ Mizzou. Cheers!

kristina: Clearly my counterpart hit his head, not going for Mizzou? (Well, that, or he actually knows what he’s talking about.) Either way, Mizzou! I’m fine with the kool-aid. To think about it, have never paired booze with kool-aid. I may be missing something.

Chris: I love my alma matter, love that Mizzou spirit. But I don’t love the defense and I know everyone is sunshine pumping away because the second half looked better than the first, but the first half happened. So until I get some semblance that Mizzou knows what the hell it’s doing on defense, I’m taking the Sandstorming Gamecocks. Prove me wrong Mizzou.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 6:30 PM #12 LSU Chattanooga Other Death Valley, LA SECN WatchESPN

LSU is coming off a win over BYU that was not truly interesting and were this a basketball game, I would be totally interested in it, because Chattanooga does weird things to SEC teams. Makes them forget all about the whole we’re better than you thing. But alas, this is football…when does November come along?! WHEN!!!

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 5. Nope, still not a good game when we have other things going on. If you’re watching this, blink twice and we’ll send help to extricate yourself from the nightmare you are inhabiting.

Paired Drink: A red eye. Beer, egg, tomato juice. It’s from the movie Cocktail, or before that, I don’t know. It had the guy from FX and FX2 in it, oh yeah and little Tom Cruise. Anyway, this game should be over quick, like when you shoot this booze down, quick and painless.

kristina: Little Tom Cruise? When did he become tall? Sounds like a bloody mary gone wrong. LSU.

Chris: LSU, all day son, ALL DAY! I really don’t care about this and you don’t either, so take the over and then on Sunday watch Leonard Fournette do things for the Jags and just imagine if he had Colin Kaepernick back there with him and the magic they would perform.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 7:30 PM #24 Notre Dame #15 Georgia The House Rudy did not Build, IN NBC NBC Sports Online

Georgia heads to South Bend, and at least their fans are enjoying themselves. Creativity points! (don’t count, just like style points.) Only the second meeting between the two, with Georgia winning in the 1981 Sugar Bowl.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 2. We’re still watching our Tigers, so just tune into this one when our game is over, unless we lose, and by then, you’re probably too drunk or sad to care. Especially if a kick pings off the goal post. (Too soon?)

Paired Drink: Of course we’re biased, here, but a nice wine where you can sip it all game long and not care, because our game is over with.

kristina: Bulldogs. Have to say I’m not too confident with this one. But I can’t go ND.

Chris: I do not care for Notre Dame, and yet I must pick them. Georgia doesn’t seem to know what the hell they’re doing with their QB and half the LBs on Notre Dame have real life significant others, that matters. Notre Dame wins and somewhere, someone watches Rudy and gets all teary eyed…BARF.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, September 9th 6:30 PM Lousiana Tech Mississippi State Tim Rattay Stadium, LA CBS Sports Network CBS Sports

This is a very interesting game. I’m plumb intrigued. LATech scored a whole heap of points last week and the SEC has shown a proclivity for not playing defense, and this is on the road and this is no Charleston Southern across the way from State. Strange things are afoot in the state of Louisiana…strange indeed.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 4. It’s still bad viewing, it just is. Were it not for Mizzou and the Georgia game, you could watch this, and you should watch the score, but seriously, no. NO!

Paired Drink: It’s Saturday night and you’re ready for a cocktail or seven. So make it a Seven and Seven and make sure it’s Seven Up, not that Sprite thing, or whatever Wal Mart Dr. Thunder replacement is. 7 Up! It’ll make you feel young again and give you a startlingly bad hangover!

kristina: Have to go with the cowbell here. Isn’t Dr. Thunder the dew or pibb replacement? (Don’t get on the soda habit, kids, such a bad thing.)

Chris: I’m itching to pic LATech, I loved Tim Rattay, and I really thought he’d be a great 49er, but he was not, he was no Jeff Garcia! Anyway, LATech keeps it close and scares the cowbell out of State, but State pulls it out and Dan Mullen wears a goofy hat.


And that’s going to do it. Thanks for making it this far, and hey, one less game to read our pontifications about! Let’s see where we lined up with our selections for those of you that prefer the Cliff’s Notes, TLDR way to live.

Picker SEC Winners SEC Losers Non Con Winner (if selected)
kristina Kentucky, Ole Miss, Alabama, Arkansas, Tennessee, Vanderbilt, Auburn, A&M, Mizzou, LSU, Georgia, State, South Carolina,
Chris Kentucky, Ole Miss, Tennessee, Vanderbilt, A&M, LSU, South Carolina, State Arkansas, Auburn, Mizzou, Georgia TCU, Clemson, Notre Dame

There, now you’re ready for week 2. Do you feel prepared, I know I don’t. Anyway, let’s all enjoy Saturday before the Tigers come on and hopefully right the ship, or just drink until we all get so sideways that we think they have.

Until next week!