The Lazy Fan’s Guide to Week 10 of the SEC Season

It’s here people, the biggest weekend of the SEC season before Atlanta. Will you look at the match ups we have on hand?! Two top 10ish games that will pretty much determine who represents both the East and the West that first weekend of December. I mean does it get any better? These two games between Georgia and Kentucky and Bama and LSU are going to be epic…unless they’re not…and lazy fans get ready to do the opposite of strapping in, this weekend seems likely to be all thunder and no lightning. Perhaps like last weekend, speaking of, how’d we do?

To the records!

Perfection was achieved again, this time by Chris. Both your pickers have hit the mark this season and continue to pump out winners left and right. It’s like a full size candy bar of picks on Halloween for you, there is no fun size in this bucket. Speaking of, less of a candy bar is not fun, it is sad and disappointing. Anyway, kristina, in her quest to achieve a different opinion was hurt by so many teams that traditionally win over their competition, luckily, Chris has no faith in so many SEC teams that think they’re better than they are, that this is where we ended up. [Editor’s note: Didn’t I pick way more games for my perfect week? Just saying...........]

But enough about last week, it’s time to focus on “Separation Saturday” (that’s what we’re calling it) and all the good and terrible (random non conference cupcakes are back on the schedule) games we’ve got. This week we’re ranking the games based on pizza places, some you may have heard of, some you may not have. Debate will surely come, but in the end, as kristina is wont to say, even bad pizza is still good, just like SEC football. [Editor’s note: Uh, am I not correct here?]

To the games!

On paper…ON PAPER, this game looks intriguing and compared to the other 11:00 AM game it most certainly is, but these are two flawed teams that haven’t done much to get excited about this season. They’re all over the place, much like the rest of the SEC outside of Tuscaloosa. This game has got some intrigue though. Auburn fans want Gus fired, but if he wins over a “top 25” team like A&M things get complicated. Really they could be backing their way into a situation where you can’t help but keep Gus, which is amazing.

Scale of Watchability: Cafeteria Pizza. You know the square greasy thing you had in middle school. It even looks gross, just a travesty, BUT there is something to be said for it when you’re really hungry.

Paired Drink: Well it’s morning and this is the kind of game you half pay attention to, so it’s your leftover pumpkin beer of choice. At this point you’re pumpkin’ed out, so you’re just drinking this to get it out of your fridge so you can start stocking up on winter seasonals.

kristina: This whole pumpkin spice thing has just gotten way out of control. Just stop it, stop it now. Yeah, October is wonderful with all the horror films and pretty color-changing leaves, but not every damn thing needs a pumpkin spice option. Chips? Pop-Tarts? It’s ridiculous. I swear, and not even going to spend the time to make sure it’s not already happened, next year we’ll have a pumpkin-spice grilling seasoning. Sad panda. Aggies. I’m just setting myself up for another defeat, clearly.

Chris: At one time this game looked really intriguing and exciting, and then the whole season happened. But it’s November and I get the impression that both these teams would just like to get to Thanksgiving and be done with it. SO, I’m taking Auburn. They’re at home, and I have no idea what they’re going to do, but I do feel confident in saying I don’t have any idea what A&M is going to do either. Let’s take the home team and move on.

So, as we’re all about the useless fun (depending on your definition) facts around here, Ole Miss and SC haven’t played since 2009, back when SC fired up Sandstorm and now it’s like their thing, which is fine, but I still remember watching Marcus Murphy not phased at all / getting pumped up before a kick-off to that song, so whatever, silly SC fans. He was so much fun to watch. Seriously, there’s no disparity in the SEC this season outside of ‘Bama so actually betting on this game is just throwing your money away. At least go spend it on a pez dispenser, you’d probably get more out of that anyway. (Uh, do they still make those?)

Scale of Watchability: Your non-Casey’s gas station pizza that you’re unfamiliar with. It good be great, it could be serviceable, or it could be your biggest waste of two dollars outside of the last time you bought a powerball ticket. Breakfast pizza especially. That’s never just in the middle. Fairly awesome or misery for the rest of the day.

Paired Drink: It’s early, it’s a possibly meh game, just go with some Bailey’s and coffee. It at least is somewhat fall friendly (uh, see Thursday’s discussion on the love/hate for fall, I mean it’s safer than rereading a karma thread) and it’ll wake you up. I mean, if you want to be wide awake for our game later?

kristina: I’m tempted to take the home team, but clearly, last week shows we shouldn’t get too cute, so I’ll take SC. We really should just use a dart board at this point and youtube it. Far more sillier / stupid stuff gets views, why shouldn’t our post? Or a mouse race. I’ve never actually witnessed one of those, but sounds amusing enough. Actually, the more I think about it, that’d be a way to pick ‘em.

Chris: Ole Miss lacks, what’s it called again, right a defense. And a team with no defense is of no use to me when it comes to picking SEC games. SC showed they can put up points with a backup against our Tigers, so I like them pulling the road upset. Not that Ole Miss fans will notice, they continue to get traction in being overdressed for tailgating, so that’s really their focus right now.

Well here it is people, my nightmare, again. Kentucky, a fine defensive team with a one-dimensional offense has Kramer’ed their way into a chance at playing in Atlanta. But my friends, the reckoning is upon the Wildcats. Because I’m still not buying them. They can’t score points, they just can’t and you know who can, Georgia. Mizzou fans have spent this week consoling themselves thinking “Hey, we lost to a great team, they’re top 10 almost and that means something!” People this is not a complete football team, and I actually hope they win and sneak into a really good bowl game and then get MASSIVELY exposed like Notre Dame did against Alabama in the National Championship game in 2013…that would be satisfying.

Scale of Watchability: Peets New Haven Pizza. It’s great pizza, it’s got delightful flavoring and great crust, but once that thing is cold, it is not edible. It’s like night and day. This game looks like delicious pizza but it will disappoint you so much right when you need it to be good.

Paired Drink: Vodka and Cranberry. No one is proud they’re drinking this and it will give you an unbelievable hangover, so it’s a lot like this game. I don’t want to watch it, and it’s going to give me headaches, because I WILL.

kristina: That’s the weird thing about pizza. So many tasty options when served hot, yet only can survive the overnight / it actually tastes fine when cold deal. You want a horrible hangover, go with a really cheap red wine. Done. Georgia. We’re not talking about last Saturday.

Chris: Georgia, I mean this is a no brainer. You saw what they did against Florida right? I believe more in Florida than I do Kentucky. I believed in Mizzou more than Kentucky, and I really truly think that Kirby Smart actually knows how to finish games, so my money’s on Georgia. Let this be an epic beat down. GEOR-GIA!

So Tennessee screwed up and lost to SC last week, but basically get an on-paper cupcake for their Homecoming game. We’re just saying on-paper in hopes of an upset ‘cause who doesn’t love #Voluntears, but yeah, it’s not happening, sadly. I mean, at one point, stubhub had tickets for $6. You’re better off spent wasting that much on a subway sandwich. (This, in no way, is saying that’s the best sandwich chain, just one of the more notables.) Remember, we’re basically a food blog.

Scale of Watchability: Cici’s. Yeah, buffet’s can equal out to a lot of food for not so much money, but it’s just awful. And their combinations can get weird. Weird can be good, just not on pizza.

Paired Drink: The half drank glass (since you, of course, passed out before you finished it the night before, shame on you!) that’s sitting on your coffee table and/or floor by your couch. You shouldn’t drink it, nor should you watch this game.

kristina: I’ll go with Tennessee, but again, somehow an upset would be hilarious. At least pizza buffets are ahead of those sushi buffets, those things just sound like a stomach bug waiting to happen. (And really bad stomach bugs are the worst, I tell you, the absolute worst!) Chris would know since that’s what I had the day after the Cards beat the Nats in game five, worth it, probably, not maybe, but it still ticks him off. :) (The happy face fixes everything.) [Editors Note: It does not fix a THING!]

Chris: This game isn’t even on national television. I assume it’s being broadcast on Knoxville public access so the Vol fans can enjoy this Saturday afternoon affair. So, Tennessee has my vote, they’ve been playing better of late and Charlotte really is a crap team, like the San Francisco 49ers, these 49ers are unwatchable.

Well, here we are. Back in Gainesville, back with a chance to make something of this season. But Mizzou won’t. This team does not win big games. These are the facts that are staring at us in the face. Their offensive coordinator seems lost, the coach doesn’t understand the basics of clock management and the Heisman Trophy Quaterback can’t seem to handle the big stage. Meanwhile, Florida in year one under Dan Mullen has looked surprisingly competent. I’m at a loss here people…

Scale of Watchability: Dominos pizza. Dominos is not going to surprise you, but it’s also not going to break you in half and have you roostering all day long, it’s reliable, if a little disappointing, and that’s what a Mizzou game is at this point.

Paired Drink: Absinthe. Just straight up absinthe poured over the sugar cube with a splash of water. It’s going to get you blackout and take away all your pain little Mizzou fan…

kristina: Sigh....... social media fails again and I thought we’d won last Saturday. I’d almost think about picking our Tigers, but being away and all things said, have to go Florida here. Another week not beating a ranked team, womp womp. I get the whole Georgia/DVR meme, but have to say I’m kind of glad I didn’t get to see much of that one at all.

Chris: I have no faith in Barry Odom to win this game at this point. Florida is going to win and they’re going to beat the spread doing it. But fear not Mizzou fans! Starting next week we get to play the crap part of the schedule and everything will start to feel better.

Again, this cupcake thing so far into the season is just nonsense! Then again, La Tech already has bowl eligibility, which well, we can’t mock ‘cause, welp. And let’s not forgot this play Honestly, it’s one of the main talking points for this game. You have to feel for whoever had to call what to run with a third and 93, right? Any way, State beat the Aggies last week, ‘cause as already stated, the SEC is just weird this year. Hopefully they can have their way with La Tech, ‘cause, sorry y’all, you get ‘Bama next weekend.

Scale of Watchability: Those Totino’s dollar party pizzas. Technically, yeah, they’re pizzas, but why? Yes, cheap is good, but just no. It’s like frozen cafeteria pizza, which just sounds awful. Poor graduate students aside, find some loose quarters and get something better.

Paired Drink: If we’re talking cheap, natty lite. No one (we hope?) is buying this ‘cause it tastes good. I mean, it’s the beer you go to once you’re halfway gone and just don’t give a damn. Like at the end of last weekend’s football game. Too soon? (Uh, probably?)

kristina: Moar cowbell I guess. I’ll admit I’m not watching as much college football as I normally do, but it just sounds (seems) reading up on this one is just to amp up what won’t be a close game to encourage anyone to watch it. Ratings, folks! But seriously, this late in the day, so many other options.

Chris: This, this should not be allowed my friends. It’s NOVEMBER! I know the SEC likes to get cute with its scheduling, but come on. The reason you have the crap non con games in the summer is so that people don’t feel bad about bailing on them to enjoy the outdoors. Well it’s cold now and being indoors seems appropriate so at least give us something worth watching. State wins cause 49er great Tim Rattay is not walking through that door, and honestly who cares about this?

It’s the big one people and what a nightcap to all together ok day of football? Here are some predictions for this game and the after affects: 1) Regardless of who wins, people will say both teams deserve to be in the top 5, 2) There will be calls to move LSU to the East and Mizzou to the West, 3) James Carville will be upset and still resemble a serpent, 4) Les Miles eating grass will be shown even if he’s not there. 5) I will always assume every cop in Louisiana is JW Pepper from the James Bond series.

All that being said, it’s the best game of the day, and you should sit back and enjoy it.

Scale of Watchability: Mellow Mushroom. Have you had their pizzas? They are delightful! Great sauce, great crust and the beer selection is always top notch. This is that good a game, it’s the best thing we’ve had on the schedule since the last time these two teams played a boring defensive affair lo those years ago.

Paired Drink: Long Island Ice tea! Cause why not? It’s going to be a tasty and wonderful kind of drunk. So steer right into it and revel in the moment.

kristina: Yeah......... you can’t pick against Alabama until they actually lose, and they haven’t come close. It’s almost has to be boring for them at this point. At least actually use ice tea in the damn drink, it wouldn’t be that hard. Then again, do we care?

Chris: It would be fun to pick the Tigers but alas I cannot. They look good and carry only a road loss to Florida, but Bama is still Bama. And something I realized after watching Bama this season is that I am unfairly judging other schools against them. The reason everyone looks so ordinary is because of how the Tide play and look. It’s really something else. Tua still has not thrown a pick, can you even fathom that? Anyway, the Tide win and then roll to Atlanta and the playoff undefeated as we’ve predicted all year.

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That’s it for this week people. We’ve got a good slate of games so if you just want the winners check em out below.

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Have a great Gameday friends, it looks to be great on paper for you, so don’t go outside, get your ass to the couch (or chair if you’re a chair guy) and let the SEC action wash over you, hopefully they don’t disappoint!