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Bottoms Up! The Hype Man Edition

A drink per score could be a very unwise decision today

A tailgate from five years ago
Hopefully not an accurate representation of the defense
Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images

Former Mizzou offensive coordinator Josh Heupel returns to Mizzou today at the helm of the Tennessee Volunteers, but many find it hard to get too hyped for an 11:00 start. Last week found me at a brewery watching the game on my phone, propped up on AlaWife’s purse. This week, I’m back home so I can more easily work my schedule around the game. So far this year, Mizzou has won the weekends I’m home and lost the weekends I traveled, so this is a positive sign for the superstitious among you.

Many of my compatriots veer away from beer for early starts, but for me, 11:00 is when I start thinking about lunch, and a beer with lunch sounds good to me. A fun beer for an early start Avondale Brunch Punch Shandy, which is only 3.5% ABV and has some nice subtle tangerine flavor. I have some of this leftover from the summer, and it’s time to clear it out before the weather has me thinking of stouts in front of the fire.

Mimosas, kristina-style

So............ with the somewhat threat of storms/rain in the morning, our market guy said it’s a no go, so for like the third time since April, I get to sleep in!!!

Anyway, this opens things up so I’m actually able to watch the beginning of these silly 11am games. While I doubt we postpone breakfast until then, I can hold off until kickoff for a mimosa, since with the usually super early starts to our weekends, haven’t had one of those in a very long time. First off, regular orange juice? No, that’s for rookies. Yeah, everyone learns it the basic way, but so boring. Unless you’re doing fresh juice from the orange itself, and that’s some work. Props to the hotel bartender the one day we had those, amazing. Anyway, I like a drier bubbly, usually prosecco, unless our good friend Bohkay is around and then you can call it champagne, he won’t mind one bit. I’ll go with grapefruit juice, isn’t quite as sweet as the OJ which I like. If we have any raspberries around, might throw one in there as well, but with fruit-loving kiddos, those don’t typically make it through an evening.

Screwdrivers and bad puns from Zwal93

Well the Tigers are 2-2 and everyone’s Top 2 Least Favorite Orange Team comes to Columbia for a must win this weekend. Another painfully early start does give us the opportunity to crush up some oranges (get it?), find your favorite vodka, and down a few screwdrivers. A great start to the day if things go well or a way to induce a long afternoon nap if things don’t. Really a win/win all around.

Karen & Faller Take on 11am Kickoffs

Karen: I will be in attendance at the game this week with the lovely Rock M contributor, Ryan Faller, and likely will partaking in some Logboat Snappers at 7.2 ABV. I just can’t bring myself to drink the Bud Lights, you guys…

Ryan (as Karen): Subject to change, the plan as of now is to roll outta bed roughly around 10:30, leaving just enough time to throw on a pair of Air Force Ones — not the suede variety — and, apparently, also a poncho because, well, see aforementioned suede comment.

Pre-game breakfast will consist of leftover Flat Branch BBQ chicken pizza (no onions) and a side of what I refer to as Butch Jones tears, which is actually a vial of holy water that I use to ward off the horror of 11 AM starts.

With a full belly, it’s time for the elevated ABV deliciousness of Logboat Dreamland, which I will use as a soothing intoxicant to help me stomach Mizzou’s run defense.

About halfway through the second, in one of those feels-so-good, pre-half buzzes, I wonder aloud: “Wait … Josh Heupel is the head coach of Tennessee? When did he, uh, Derek was there, but he came to here to town, to tutor Drew Lock after the other dude, um, bolted for UC- yeah, grab me another Snapper, yo!”

Halftime nap in the concourse…

[Wakes to cheering late in the fourth]

“The Thiccer did it again … this time for the win?!!!!!”

[Ryan Faller responds…]

“Yes, Karen! That was three hours ago. We’re eating lunch at Shakespeare’s.”

Game. Set. Match!

(Editor’s note: This is what I get for letting Ryan Faller commandeer my phone at a bar, folks)

Join us in the comments to share what you are drinking and eating for yet another early start.