Seasons like this aren’t fun, so you have to cling to every little win you get.

From the outside looking in, Mizzou’s season hasn’t gone that poorly. The Tigers are 4-4 with close losses in Lexington and Chestnut Hill and only one truly bad loss at the hands of the also 4-4 Tennessee. They’ve won every game they were technically supposed to. They’ve got the best special teams unit in the country. Their offense isn’t great, but it’s not bad either. If you hold up your hand to cover the grotesque blot of the run defense, it’s actually not too cringe-inducing!

Of course, that’s all outside of the context of what Mizzou fans were expecting coming into the season, and it’s especially out of context with the type of season the Tigers were able to put up in the chaos of 2020. A bowl is technically still on the table, but it’s going to take a herculean effort against a Dawg, Gator or Hog... also you have to kill a Cock somewhere in there, too.

Yet things could always be worse. And unless you’re some miserable sadist (which is certainly a contradiction, if you think about it), there’s no point in dwelling on the sharp pangs of disappointment the 2021 season has caused us. Instead, it’s much more useful to consider the positives that are indeed staring us in the face. Like, hey, did you hear about this Luther Burden guy? He seems pretty cool! All the new guys seem pretty cool, in fact.

Hey, Mizzou is bad, but they’re not that bad. Or this bad. Or, god forbid, this bad. Things could always be worse. Always look on the bright side of life, that’s what the Pythons said. Enjoy a win, even when it’s not really one you want to think about that much.

Also don’t think about this coming Saturday. Just don’t do it! Why would you! It’s pointless! Go outside, touch some grass, enjoy the waning days of fall. Don’t watch that game... unless you’re the miserable sadist I mentioned earlier, in which case go nuts.

The (Actual) Revue

There Will Be Badie

★★★★☆

Sometimes a movie is good, but not fun. Sometimes a movie is fun, but not good. Sometimes it’s both, and sometimes it’s neither. The two aren’t mutually exclusive but neither are they inextricably linked, is what I’m saying.

There Will Be Badie falls squarely into the, “good, but not fun,” category of films, a category that can be grating but should ultimately prove fulfilling for Eli Drinkwitz and Mizzou Studios. It’s a chore to get through at times, with slow, opaque marches down the field resulting in unfulfilled promises of touchdowns and attempts at defensive prowess answered with Commodore scores that feel like roundhouse kicks. And if There Will Be Badie feels like it’s trying to teach you something about life in the process, the best you can come away with is this — enjoying things is meaningless, the world is cruel, so on and so forth.

The only real pleasure of There Will Be Badie is, of course, the Badie of it all. In a performance that should seal up the Actor in a Leading Role M-y at season’s end, Tyler Badie carries the whole of the production on his back, chewing scenery (and yards after contact) like a voracious artisan. It’s a performance both over and understated, with moments of subtle excellence giving way to explosions of spotlight-consuming brilliance. From frame one, this is Tyler Badie’s movie, and he won’t let anyone forget it.

That isn’t to say the direction doesn’t play a role. Certainly Eli Drinkwitz senses his actor is putting in an all-time heat check, making his job of, “point the camera at him and let it roll,” an easy but sound choice to make. And all the failures around the central performance? They only serve to enhance the transcendence of Badie’s latest star turn.

Nearly every flaw of this production is covered in the blood of the lamb sweat and tears of the A-lister’s effort. At times, it simply feels like too much, a near-punishing display of greatness that creates a level of sympathetic effort in the viewer. By the end, it’s evident that watching Badie work is worth the grueling few hours you spent doing so. Again, it’s not fun... but it is undoubtedly good.

And the M-y Goes To...

Actor in a Leading Role

Duh. Who else was it going to be?

Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

No, not Clark Lea.

Look at Tyler Badie. Kicking ass, taking names, shaking hands, kissing babies (probably.) At this rate, he’s in line for a Return of the King style sweep. Just start giving him technical awards! Direction! Play design! Does it make sense? Who cares! He’s the engine that makes this thing run, and we probably shouldn’t pretend otherwise.

Actor in a Supporting Role

Props to the newcomer out of St. Louis who came in and closed the book on this one (with some help from the star, of course).

We haven’t seen much of the young, charismatic star, but he’s certainly looked the part in his limited screen time. After letting Badie do most of the work, Macon took the ball and tucked it cool-as-you-like into his arms and into the end zone. He’s now responsible for two touchdowns on the season with his number being called (pass or rush) a grand total of six times. That’s one touchdown every three plays! Sounds like a winning formula to me.

Best Original Play

Hail Mary, full of air, we hold our breath and wait for you...

... blessed are you among play calls, and blessed is the fruit of your efforts, a dope touchdown.