What is the meaning of life? Is there life after death? Who shot Biggie? Does true love exist? Does God exist? Does a good Ashton Kutcher movie exist? Is time travel possible? Will artificial intelligence really become self-aware? Is James Cameron actually kind of a hack? Is there life on other planets? Have aliens already visited Earth? When did Nicholas Cage first visit Earth? The briefcase from Pulp Fiction, the package from Cast Away, the dress from the internet?
2 Broke Girls???
All deep, thought-provoking, soul-searching, seemingly unanswerable questions and mysteries that mankind has pondered throughout it’s time here on this planet and none of them, however, have left me more perplexed than this doozy: what the hell is Missouri football?
Good? Bad? Mediocre? Inconsistent? Cursed? A turnaround? All of the above?
If you’re looking for answers to the latter, or the former; you’re barking up the wrong blog post because you sure as hell won’t find any here. Unless of course, the answer to “life, the universe and everything” turns out to be Butch Jones. In that case, don’t panic. You’re in luck.
As always, comment below with what you think you know about the state of Missouri football and your predictions for the Tennessee game. Before we get to my mind-altering observations and prognostications, let’s take a look back at a few WITIK’s from...
What I Thought I Knew Last Week
Welp, no WITIK last week. Apparently MY bye week did not align with Missouri’s. Ah well, let’s move on.
What I THINK I KNOW
- I KNOW we should take a moment to appreciate Terry Beckner Jr. because I THINK he’ll be playing on Sundays this time next year. Also, shout-out to AJ Logan for being AJ Logan!
- I THINK Josh Heupel finally opened up his playbook and I couldn’t be happier. I KNOW Drew Lock running the ball more often is a damn good thing and it should make you happy, too.
- I KNOW Lock continues to make some questionable decisions – especially while under pressure – but we cannot ignore how impressive he has been of late. Inflated stats? Sure (thank you MissIdaConn State). But man, I THINK he’s becoming the quarterback we originally believed him to be, and that’s awfully encouraging for the remainder of this season AND next.
- This past weekend, I THINK Florida looked like early-season Missouri, while Missouri looked like early-season Purdue… as odd as that is to say.
- This coming weekend, I HOPE Tennessee looks like, well, Tennessee.
- To be honest, I didn’t THINK Florida would be that bad. Still, Barry and Co. took it to the Gators and I KNOW I’m starting to come around on Coach Odom… a little.
- That said, I can’t forget just how unacceptably incompetent Mizzou football looked/was to start the season. I don’t THINK I KNOW what to expect next season, even if they win out in 2017. Maybe if Barry starts off next year with the “narrative” rant, rather than mid-season, we (and his team) will have a better understanding of the state of Missouri football from the get-go. And, hopefully the word “turnaround” will not be part of the 2018 narrative.
- I THINK Odom’s recruiting prowess is yet to be determined and I KNOW that leaves myself and others feeling a little uneasy, if not queasy.
- I KNOW I predicted 6 wins for this 2017 season and after the September 16th shellacking by the once mighty Boilermakers of Purdue, I can’t believe the Tigers are sitting here with a realistic shot at 6 wins. I THINK that’s just super!
- I KNOW THIS SATURDAY IS SENIOR NIGHT!
- I THINK when Butch Jones and his Vols come to town, all records go out the window! I KNOW I don’t actually believe that. I do believe, however, Mizzou has a decent shot at ending Butch’s Tennure.
- Speaking of the Butch, I THINK this weekend, and subsequent weeks, will play out a little something like this:
[An (r-rated) excerpt from The Big Lebowlski]
Butch: “You ready to be f*****, man? I see you rolled your way to 4 wins. Dios mio, man. Smokey and me, we’re gonna f*** you up.”
Odom: “Yea, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
Butch: “Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy tight end seam route shit with us, you flash your spread offense out on the field, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and punt the f****** ball ‘til it goes “kick.”
Odom: “Jesus, Butch.”
Butch: “You said it, man.”
Walter: “Life champions, dude.”
(A few weeks later, Mizzou fans be like...)
What do YOU think you know?
What I Hope to Learn from Butchstock (Tennessee game)
- That Mizzou is (probably) going BOWLING!
- That the defense is legit not awful anymore
- Confirmation they’ve solved the kick/punt returner problem
- That I actually have faith in Barry Odom going into next season
- That Butch Jones was ejected in the 4th quarter for excessive redshirting
What do YOU hope to learn?
- A red-faced Butch will be caught on camera at the precise moment his spirit escapes his body, choosing purgatory over watching the rest of the game
- J’Mon Moore will have a Senior Night to remember
- The Bone formation will make an appearance...
- ...as will the flea flicker
Drew Lock will throw for...
(checks Twitter for David Morrison’s QB model predictions)
Drew Lock projections, early this week!— David Morrison (@DavidCMorrison) November 6, 2017
High end: 13-of-21, 216 yd, 2 TD
Low end: 13-of-27, 192 yd, TD, INT
Avg: 13-of-24, 200 yd, TD, INT
- Richaud Floyd will return a punt for a TD… TWICE
- Attendance at Faurot will soar to 56,000
- The defense will force an Int, 2 fumbles, and shut down John Kelly
- Barry Odom will wear a whistle around his neck… for some reason
- Mizzou will… win big 49-13 (though realistically, I worry it will be much closer)
- A pale-faced Eric Beisel will be caught on camera patrolling the sideline, trying to capture Butch’s spirit with a vacuum and a shoebox, because he’s a Ghostbuster now
What are YOUR game predictions?
My new semi-monthly-ish Mizzou bball piece, #BasketballSchool, drops in a couple days. So be on the look out, fam!