Let us not beat around the bush, guys. Here at Rock M Nation, I am not your go-to for game analysis, team Intel or fascinating football insight. That's not my bag. David Morrison and I, believe it or not, are in embarrassingly different tiers of RMN contributors. Think Chase Daniel & Corbin Berkstresser, Booches & McDonalds, Missouri & Delaware State, or 1990 Macaulay Culkin & 2017 Macaulay Culkin. Embarrassingly. Different. Tiers.
So, why I am here? Well, because I'm one of you: a fan. And like you, the fan, and every sports fan that has ever fan'd, I think I know what I'm talking about. But, there's a good chance I have no clue. For the next however many weeks, I'll lay out what I think I know about this Missouri Tigers team and what I hope to learn from each game. And let's face it, there is a great deal we don't actually know about the 2017 Missouri Tigers. Also, I'm going to drop a buttload of predictions on you. So many worthless, buttloaded predictions! Because people can't get enough of predictions, right?
Anyway, feel free to dole out your own predictions and, more importantly, what YOU think you know in the comments. Let's get started.
What I THINK I KNOW (Going into the 2017 season)
- I THINK Drew Lock should be better than last season but I'm not quite sure I KNOW how to properly define 'better' in this case.
- I KNOW the new defensive line coordinator is appropriately named Brick and I THINK the defense can't be worse than 2016… but it could be the same — especially if 'arm tackle' turns out to be the most consistent defensive player returning from last year's squad.
- I THINK J'Mon Moore —motivated by the negative attention his untimely drops received last year — will play with a massive chip on his shoulder. I also KNOW "chip on his shoulder" is an overused, worthless cliché and nothing more than coach-speak. But still…
- I KNOW with Damarea Crockett, Mizzou has a strong running game — perhaps DamStrong if Nate Strong emerges from the backfield and I WORRY they will ultimately abandon the ground game more often than they should.
- I THINK 'bowl'ing is a thing we Mizzou fans should look forward to/expect. I KNOW I'd be disappointed with less than 6 wins.
- I KNOW Terry Beckner Jr. rocking a #5 as a defensive tackle is just plain awesome and that you should expect many poorly-crafted photoshops (from me) highlighting TBJ and his new number. I THINK Beckner and his health will be the real key to Mizzou's overall success. #analysis
- I THINK Alec Abeln is my 3rd favorite Alec. I KNOW Alec Baldwin is my least favorite Alec.
- I THINK Blade Runner 2049 has a greater chance of disappointing me this fall than Mizzou football. I KNOW Ryan Gosling should never have been cast in a football movie. Remember the Dancing?
Remember Gettin' Beat Like He Stole Somethin', Mr. Bosley?
What do YOU think you know?
- Mizzou will finish 6-6
- Corey Fatony will score a touchdown
- Tucker McCann will kick a game-winning field goal
- Freshman safety Jordan Ulmer will be a breakout player on defense
- Missouri vs Auburn will be the 'Game of the Year'
- 3 of 'Tiger Ten' will be verbally committed to Missouri by season's end
- Jim Sterk's statue will be approved by Thanksgiving
- The Zoulogy Podcast will abandon the air-horn soundbite Oscar is so wild about and replace with an old school Keanu Reeves "No way!" [EDITOR’S NOTE: No Way.]
- Feeling left out during football season, Sam Snelling will launch his FOURTH basketball podcast for Rock M Radio under the title 'Shootball.' We won't know which Snelling podcast is which, just that it will be in our best interest to listen to them all.
- I will lure a handful of you into Fantasy Movie League
What are YOUR 2017 predictions?
What I Hope to Learn from the Missouri State Game
- I hope to find out Coach Odom learned his lesson about running up the score on absurdly inferior competition (see Delaware State) and how that does NOT translate into SEC success — and how it's kind of a bad look.
- Really, though, I hope to learn nothing. I feel if a lesson is learned from a Missouri/Missouri State game, it probably won't be a positive one for Missouri. They (Missouri) should move the ball at will. They should score many points. They should tackle. They should dominate both sides of the ball. If they don't, we have problems. No good lessons come from playing this level of competition.
- Also, I hope to learn Brick Haley's middle name is 'James' so I have a legitimate excuse to use this meme…
What do YOU hope to learn?
- Jack Lowary will throw 2 touchdowns
- A LOT of penalties
- A LOT OF HANDSHAKES
- McCann won't miss a kick (FG/XP)
- During the SEC Network broadcast, the word "scheme" will be used at least 15 times while comparing the current Tigers defense to last year's
- Dawson "Code Red" Downing will produce over 100 yards from scrimmage
- Mizzou will win 56-7
- Eric Beisel will score a touchdown… or fight an actual bear. You never know with gladiators.